If You Want to Be Serious About the New Feminism...

We’ve all seen the social media memes about women raising each other up rather than putting each other down. This morning at the gym while watching The Today Show a very famous woman was being interviewed whose initials are J.L.;) .  Apparently she is producing and judging a new Dance show. As the closed captions streamed by I read “busiest woman in television” and later “when she’s not making the rest of us look bad…”  (the two female interviewers were laughing) What?! Is this now how a major network morning program passive-aggressively puts down a successful woman?

Ladies if you’re going to post the memes, then you need to talk the talk also. I don’t follow celebrities but do know that J.L. is very successful. So why are these women implying that her success would “make them look bad.” Perhaps it’s supposed to be a joke, but in these days when people are going through sensitivity training for numerous issues, shouldn’t we be a little more careful in how we “raise up...don't tear down” other women?

I recently personally experienced how saying something incredibly innocuous online quickly turned into an assault on my good name. In my case I agreed with a Facebook Group poster that the addition of a chain budget store was a disappointing approval made by our shoreline town which is mostly quaint shops with a large summer tourist influx. Suddenly I was a “rich” person who didn’t want to allow poor people a place to shop.  The post was eventually removed because one of the budget store lovers (perhaps a champion for the poor) let loose some choice words for anyone who opposed the store.  After that Saturday morning laugh, I knew it was time for a break from the internet. 

Another incident in distant internet history was of a woman posing in a bathing suit with her family of young boys. The youngest was an 8 month old infant. I found her line “What’s your excuse?” a reminder not to let the excuse of young children keep me from taking care of my health. Apparently this picture was “mean” according to the trolls because it made other woman feel bad that they couldn’t lose the baby weight that quickly. People are different. As someone whose body never looked like this woman’s, before or after pregnancy (or even at 20 years old, haha) I was flabbergasted that my sisterhood of women would be so judgmental. 

So let J.L. be happy in her success!  Let thin momma have a fun photo session with her kids!  And for the love of gosh-darn, let me express an opinion without assuming anything beyond the actual words I typed.

And for the record, I would rather promote that we ALL build each other up rather than tearing each other down. Men and women work together in American Society of 2017.

Another Note: I've never liked labels of any type and am even hesitant to use the term "feminism" since it connotes such a wide variety of characteristics to different people.  So I'm using this definition, and no other!

New feminism is a philosophy which emphasizes a belief in an integral complementarity of men and women, rather than the superiority of men over women or women over men

Remember Long Distance Charges? Calling Cards? And the Futuristic Idea of Telephones with Video?

People of my generation often comment about the amazing advancements we’ve seen. Communication progress has astounded our wildest dreams. When I was in middle school the year 2000 seemed so far away! And by then we would surely all be using the metric system.  In high school the idea of a telephone with a TV screen attached so you could see the person you were talking with seemed the ultimate futuristic gadget. We pictured it in the kitchen right next to the wall phone; of course it had a cord connecting the handset. The biggest concern was that one would need to be “ready” – meaning, well dressed with hair brushed to use this type of telephone.

Now I video chat often and post pictures of myself without a thought to the status of my hair (sometimes I care, but when enjoying NYC with my daughters or hoping to inspire others with my running pictures, it’s “messy hair, don’t care.”)

Skype is the first video chat service I recall and I’ve used it to talk to the girl we sponsored  in Ukraine. When my oldest spent a semester in Rome, Italy our T-Mobile service allowed for unlimited text & data, but a small charge for talk.  We started with Facetime, but found better reception using Google Hangouts.  It truly is amazing to think when I was in college, someone overseas for a semester had to WRITE LETTERS and then wait for weeks for a response.  Kids, we did have telephones and could make a call, but there was this thing called “long distance” charges that were cost prohibitive until the 1980s.  Calls just one state over incurred charges pretty high. Even in-state calls outside of your immediate surrounding towns cost money.  This is why companies began using 800 numbers – so you could call them for free.

My son resides in the largest dormitory in the world, Bancroft Hall on the U.S. Naval Academy.  Located on a secured military base (although Navy folk call them “yards”), the hall is built like fortress thus restricting data signals.  Initially he would go outside to telephone (located on the water, lots of wind noise), but then found he could use OoVoo from his laptop (wired) for the weekly calls home.  The calls often last a half hour or more as he gets comfortable on his end, and I and other family members hangout around my laptop.  Both parties may open another window and look things up to share or just multitask. Last year’s roommates would notice the parents and say hello or wave from the background, Twice this year I’ve been on a video chat call and his roommate has started undressing in the background. I have to start waving wildly at the camera and yell “someone’s changing!”  Everyone has a good laugh and boy, have we come a long way from that kitchen wall phone with the long cord.

(Since my heart healthy lifestyle is plodding along s….l….o…..w…..l……y, albeit successfully I need to find more to blog about. My head fills with ideas while I’m on my daily walk/run, but when I sit down to write, all ideas have vacated the chamber.)

The Fat Cell Jellies are Running through my Body trying to Sabotage Me!

Chief Jelly: “Listen up, this is an ENTIRE BODY emergency meeting!  As you’ve noticed some among us have been SHRINKING!  We need to put an end to this.  As a group we are releasing the “SUGAR CRAVINGS.” This trusted tactic has worked for years but seems to be malfunctioning of late. Please check your sugar craving enzymes and release those cravings immediately!

…..

Brain Jelly: “there is liquid entering the body….is it sweet?” 

Neck Jelly: “Ugh! It’s water. AGAIN!

Thigh Jelly: “Chief, I’ve been taking an especially hard hit in my area, I’ve seen many of my troops shrinking and a long forgotten muscle is growing. I petition for intensified action.”

Upper arm Jelly: “Well, I’m doing fine up here, this silly chick is running and doing all that sweaty, heart pumping exercise, but she’s forgotten about us, hee hee hee.”

…….

Chief Jelly:  “Attention, the sugar cravings are still NOT working. Time to add LETHARGY!”

Belly Jelly: “Thank goodness, Chief, although I like jiggling around on these ‘runs’ I’ve noticed a muscle pushing my troops around and trying to shrink them also.”

LETHARGY runs rampant.

Chief Jelly: “Why hasn’t sugar consumption resumed?  We’re using CRAVINGS and LETHARGY.”

Back Jelly: “From where I can see, it looks like our body has discovered large quantities of VEGETABLES. Can we make them taste worse?” 

Chief Jelly: “That was my fear, we can’t. Now that She hasn’t had sugar for a while, the VEGETABLES are tasting good. Jeez, we had her roped into a 12 year old’s palate for so long, NOW she decides to grow up and squash our Fat Cell Jellies.”

…………….

Calf Jelly: “She’s moving again chief, this is ridiculous. What else can we do?”

Chief Jelly: “We need to attack on two fronts: HEADACHE and STRESS.  Eye Jelly: you know what to do, make the head throb.  Brain Jelly, send her images of imaginary scenarios of her kids getting hurt to increase the stress. “

Brain Jelly: “Doing my job, boss.  She just texted her son to find out when he’d be home; I’m reeling her in with Stress.  She’ll be scrounging for some leftover Easter candy soon!”

Eye Jelly: “I wish I was more helpful, I sent her a big HEADACHE and she is now ‘taking a nap.’ Backfired big time, sorry, Chief”

Upper Arm Jelly: “Eeeek, why are my muscles groaning and stretching? What is Yoga? What are Free Weights? Brain Jelly, can you tell her those aren’t for her?”

Brain Jelly: “No can do, DETERMINATION and MOTIVATION are in my way.”

Narcotics Addiction Lurking in Suburbia

 Narcotic abuse is rampant in our society and we have all become complicit in ignoring its causes.

As I wrote about on April 3, I recently had minor surgery.  An endometrial ablasion,  which is a 1 day procedure that includes a D&C.  As I sat in pre-op I was visited by no less than 5 people. They each introduced themselves and reviewed what I was having done. Someone mentioned I’d be going home with 2 prescriptions: 800mg Motrin and Percocet. I was a bit nervous and really just wanted to be knocked out and taken to the OR. Actually they kept me awake so in the OR everyone could again identify themselves and say what they were there to do. My brain wanted to explode – please just put that mask of propofol on my face! 

Finally I was awaking in recovery. A nurse noticed and was at my bedside explaining she would get my Percocet and be right back. My groggy self knew enough to realize that I was not in pain at all. I was too out of it to verbalize anything. Luckily it took her awhile so when she came back with her tiny paper cup holding the pill I had the wherewithal to protest. No I do NOT want a narcotic. She was surprised and asked me my pain level from 0-10, I said 2. She agreed to “dispose” of the pill. Flashes of Nurse Jackie pocketing the pill ran before my eyes, but no matter to me, I did not want nor need to ingest it.

Today I’m 10 days post-op and didn’t fill either prescription. I took 3 standard Motrin the evening of the surgery. A couple more the next day and that was it. I never had anything close to severe pain. I was sporadically uncomfortable for a day or two as my uterus recovered from the invasion. I don’t have an unusually high tolerance for pain which makes me wonder if other people think being a little uncomfortable is reason for narcotics. I wouldn’t want someone to needlessly suffer in pain, but doesn’t a reasonable amount of pain mean your body is coping and you are alive? 

Maybe I’m the odd-man out. I never have understood women who wanted to have an epidural as soon as they arrived at the hospital for childbirth.  My thinking is that if I’m going to deliver a 7 lb. baby that it is going to hurt and I did know that when I got myself into that situation. I guess I’m of the “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” mindset. Well, at least epidurals are not a highly addictive, easily acquirable drug.

Back to our nation's narcotic/opiod crisis. This situation that I was in is repeated daily thousands of times across the US. Percocet and Oxycodone are routinely prescribed for a multitude of surgeries. See the astounding data from the CDC here. Otherwise sane, productive, normal people go home and fill these prescriptions. Some of them will become addicted. Many who are able to just take a few pills or never take any more will find their pills being pilfered by someone in their household. A teenage child, one of the child’s friends, a service person, even one of their own friends who is hiding his/her addiction will find themselves sneaking 1 pill while using the bathroom.

The only power I have is that of AWARENESS. Please pass the word and research this yourself.  If you don’t think you personally know someone addicted to narcotics, you are probably wrong. There are many, many very good people hiding their addiction right in your insulated suburban neighborhood.

Although this blog has morphed from KindCleaning (with Norwex) to KindCleaning (your body for healthy living) I cannot ignore some social problems that definitely affect the health of our society.

Making Friends as an Adult is Yucky

Making new friends as an adult is a yucky and awkward business if you’re not a natural friend-maker.  Some people are, I have a friend who has relocated several times and always seems to find a group of close friends wherever she lands.  But for the rest of us, it can be a daunting process.  I’ve never had even a bit of this friend’s natural friend-making ability (which is very different from just being “friendly”).

• Nursery School – no friends at all, played alone.  Scared my mother one day when the teachers couldn’t find me.  I was hiding in an indoor playscape.
• Elementary School – friend who was a natural friend-maker lived across the street so I rode her coattails through middle school.
• High School – no friends at school; but when I started working in retail and fast food I found camaraderie with the other teens and finally had my own group. And there was one good friend who sought me out because she noticed I loved Adam Ant as much as she did.
• College – friendships mostly based on roommates and their ability to make friends
• Working World – made friends with those in my “training class” and finally did cultivate a few friendships on my own (well, it’s about time!)
• Home with a Newborn – whoa, nothing prepared me for this glut of friends.  I expected a Lucy & Ethel relationship with one of my neighbors but as I pushed the stroller past the homes during the day they were silent. It took me a couple of years to find other homemakers in the neighborhood and then to find someone whose company I really enjoyed was another challenge.

About this time one of my friends from that training class explained that making friends as an adult was kind of like dating.  You start by getting a phone number, then gauge receptiveness to getting together with the kids. Finally you see if you can branch beyond mommyhood to doing something without the kids or even having a phone conversation that isn’t about drop-offs, pick-ups or which kids have a cold.

Currently I’ve discovered several new friendships forming and I’m proud of this because they were ones I actively chose.  With my new interest in healthy living I think I’ve become a better “potential friend.”  Being happier with myself, I’m more willing to approach others and suggest a get-together.  Being someone who is activiely promoting a positive lifestyle makes me more attractive to others as a friend. 

So ladies, as we pursue our #GoRedGetFit goals be assured that our healthy lifestyle reaps many rewards.  We are healthier in body AND in mind; and that healthy mind allows us to spread our internal goodness (love) to those around us.  

My March Plateau

This is on the wall at my Cardiologist's office - so nice, to read and confirm I am following through on it all!

March has been a plateau month for me and I’m oddly OK with that. My stagnation has forced even more reflection as I assess my progress, or lack thereof, my past and the reasons behind my obesity.  Wow! Two scary words already: plateau and obesity. Technically my BMI puts me in the Obese range (there, I even typed it with a capital.) 

Eating my Colors everyday for Heart health

I lost 0.8 lb. in March. My total loss since Oct. 1 is 22.2 lbs. Here’s why I’m OK with this and motivated to continue with zest:

1.       I probably gave about 65% effort this month. Between a blizzard that blocked my walk/run path for days and 3 children’s consecutive spring breaks to stress my mind I just wasn’t giving my all.

2.       A plateau is NOT a gain.  I’ve been told by several people (some who went to med school) that by losing weight slowly I greatly increase my chances of keeping it off. 

3.       My “Procedure” which I probably stressed for subconsciously all month.  On Tuesday I had a Novasure Ablasion. (TMI coming!) This is a one day surgery that scrapes and cauterizes the lining of the uterus.  I had it for menorrhagia.  I hope that I will be like the 80% of women who have this and never have a visit from Aunt Flo again.  I also hope the bloating, sugar craving time before Aunt Flo doesn’t happen anymore either.

Revelation: When my older children are at college, I don’t worry much about them, but when they are home, my mental “mom” link revs up with constant worrying that causes stress which causes me to try to soothe myself with food. I can now recognize that raising four children with an intentional mind set caused that higher level of stress over the years and thus stuck me with a spare tire or two around the middle. The “intentional” parent is one who has a reason for every decision. I need alternatives that are not food related.  For now, everyone is back at school – my household only has 2 children and seems quiet and peaceful.  This quote from Riding in Cars with Boys sums up motherhood and I will devote another blog post to it in the future:

“Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us. That doesn't make you a bad person. It just means your heart's too big.” (She’s talking about her child)

Sometimes you need some chocolate

Make The Healthy Choice! It's My New Mantra

When I’m at a diner considering a cheeseburger or chicken kebab with Caesar salad: MAKE THE HEALTHY CHOICE! The chicken kebab was in a thin wrap loaded w/fresh lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes and carrots. The accompanying Greek salad was surprisingly fresh and yummy. And I’m NEVER going to be a woman who can order only a salad for lunch and survive until dinner.

When I pull into a large parking lot on a cold, windy day, do I look for a close space or just park way at the end? I MAKE THE HEALTHY CHOICE and park at the end. Every step is another chance to get my body moving and my heart pumping. I gave up going to drive-thru’s last year and have no complaints. Last week I went into the bank at 8:59am and the friendly teller who unlocked the door told me the drive-thru opens at 8.  I told her my resolution about that.

Since my turn towards a heart healthy lifestyle I distinctly feel the metamorphosis happening. I’m leaving behind a lifetime of too many unhealthy choices and slowly evolving to become a person who clearly cares about their own health. In my late teens I had a workout buddy who, like me, found that our new womanly bodies brought some extra cushioning and decided to implement exercise into our lives. Our problem was we were raised in the 70’s/80’s on Doritos, M&M’s and Soda.  We would exercise, and then reward ourselves with an ice cream Sundae. We would go swimming and then sit around the pool smoking cigarettes.  In college, after a bad bout of mononucleosis, I was in my best shape ever!  I had a pair of Guess jeans with black and white vertical stripes, they were probably a size 9 (a 1985 size 9 which is smaller than today’s 9).  I looked great but also loved to indulge with my friends in “DC & DC” which stood for Diet Coke and David’s Cookies! David’s cookies were the forerunner of Mrs. Fields (at least on my radar, in NYC). They were huge chewy cookies containing not only chocolate chips, but chocolate CHUNKS and lots of them!

As I reflect on my past and how I never really got back into those Guess jeans I wore in college, I realize I’m peeling back layers.  As an adult most weight loss programs I tried (or even talk shows I listened to) wanted me to find out WHY I overate. They insisted there must be some feeling I was drowning with food or an unresolved childhood trauma. I could never come up with anything because that’s not how I became overweight.  I was predestined as my mother’s seventh child I was born with more fat cells than my older siblings because my mother weighed more when she became pregnant with me. But plenty of overweight women have healthy children who remain at a healthy weight through life; it would be futile to place any blame on my birth.  Especially since I have inflicted my youngest similarly.  Thankfully all of my children are healthy weights – I’m smart enough to apply solidly proven healthy eating habits when it comes to my children. For myself I had a lifetime of bad choices and influences. My life continued with food being used for happy occasions and sad ones. I never felt rebuked and readily tried the newest food to appear on store shelves.  Now I know that food companies have been trying to make us eat more by formulating delectable combinations of salt, sugar and fat.  I was right there, literally eating it up.

I’m being kind with myself and slowly reforming. There’s a popular “fake it ‘til you make it” mantra that assists in life changes. I toyed with that mantra but I just couldn’t really own it. So instead I shout in my head: MAKE THE HEALTHY CHOICE! So far, it’s working.  I’m not always perfect but I’m pretty proud of myself for choosing Raisin Bran with milk and banana slices when I visited the hot breakfast buffet at Hampton Inn on Tuesday. Our ride home from Vermont included a stop at Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Factory – my loudspeaker in my head malfunctioned.  But, that’s OK!  I had the ice cream, a very light dinner and have moved forward to the next day. 

Statistics: I’ve been staying the same weight this month. I still have lots to lose but I’m OK with a couple weeks of plateau living and refuse to feel negative when I know I’m making healthy choices and am definitely in this for life!