Making Friends as an Adult is Yucky

Making new friends as an adult is a yucky and awkward business if you’re not a natural friend-maker.  Some people are, I have a friend who has relocated several times and always seems to find a group of close friends wherever she lands.  But for the rest of us, it can be a daunting process.  I’ve never had even a bit of this friend’s natural friend-making ability (which is very different from just being “friendly”).

• Nursery School – no friends at all, played alone.  Scared my mother one day when the teachers couldn’t find me.  I was hiding in an indoor playscape.
• Elementary School – friend who was a natural friend-maker lived across the street so I rode her coattails through middle school.
• High School – no friends at school; but when I started working in retail and fast food I found camaraderie with the other teens and finally had my own group. And there was one good friend who sought me out because she noticed I loved Adam Ant as much as she did.
• College – friendships mostly based on roommates and their ability to make friends
• Working World – made friends with those in my “training class” and finally did cultivate a few friendships on my own (well, it’s about time!)
• Home with a Newborn – whoa, nothing prepared me for this glut of friends.  I expected a Lucy & Ethel relationship with one of my neighbors but as I pushed the stroller past the homes during the day they were silent. It took me a couple of years to find other homemakers in the neighborhood and then to find someone whose company I really enjoyed was another challenge.

About this time one of my friends from that training class explained that making friends as an adult was kind of like dating.  You start by getting a phone number, then gauge receptiveness to getting together with the kids. Finally you see if you can branch beyond mommyhood to doing something without the kids or even having a phone conversation that isn’t about drop-offs, pick-ups or which kids have a cold.

Currently I’ve discovered several new friendships forming and I’m proud of this because they were ones I actively chose.  With my new interest in healthy living I think I’ve become a better “potential friend.”  Being happier with myself, I’m more willing to approach others and suggest a get-together.  Being someone who is activiely promoting a positive lifestyle makes me more attractive to others as a friend. 

So ladies, as we pursue our #GoRedGetFit goals be assured that our healthy lifestyle reaps many rewards.  We are healthier in body AND in mind; and that healthy mind allows us to spread our internal goodness (love) to those around us.  

Make The Healthy Choice! It's My New Mantra

When I’m at a diner considering a cheeseburger or chicken kebab with Caesar salad: MAKE THE HEALTHY CHOICE! The chicken kebab was in a thin wrap loaded w/fresh lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes and carrots. The accompanying Greek salad was surprisingly fresh and yummy. And I’m NEVER going to be a woman who can order only a salad for lunch and survive until dinner.

When I pull into a large parking lot on a cold, windy day, do I look for a close space or just park way at the end? I MAKE THE HEALTHY CHOICE and park at the end. Every step is another chance to get my body moving and my heart pumping. I gave up going to drive-thru’s last year and have no complaints. Last week I went into the bank at 8:59am and the friendly teller who unlocked the door told me the drive-thru opens at 8.  I told her my resolution about that.

Since my turn towards a heart healthy lifestyle I distinctly feel the metamorphosis happening. I’m leaving behind a lifetime of too many unhealthy choices and slowly evolving to become a person who clearly cares about their own health. In my late teens I had a workout buddy who, like me, found that our new womanly bodies brought some extra cushioning and decided to implement exercise into our lives. Our problem was we were raised in the 70’s/80’s on Doritos, M&M’s and Soda.  We would exercise, and then reward ourselves with an ice cream Sundae. We would go swimming and then sit around the pool smoking cigarettes.  In college, after a bad bout of mononucleosis, I was in my best shape ever!  I had a pair of Guess jeans with black and white vertical stripes, they were probably a size 9 (a 1985 size 9 which is smaller than today’s 9).  I looked great but also loved to indulge with my friends in “DC & DC” which stood for Diet Coke and David’s Cookies! David’s cookies were the forerunner of Mrs. Fields (at least on my radar, in NYC). They were huge chewy cookies containing not only chocolate chips, but chocolate CHUNKS and lots of them!

As I reflect on my past and how I never really got back into those Guess jeans I wore in college, I realize I’m peeling back layers.  As an adult most weight loss programs I tried (or even talk shows I listened to) wanted me to find out WHY I overate. They insisted there must be some feeling I was drowning with food or an unresolved childhood trauma. I could never come up with anything because that’s not how I became overweight.  I was predestined as my mother’s seventh child I was born with more fat cells than my older siblings because my mother weighed more when she became pregnant with me. But plenty of overweight women have healthy children who remain at a healthy weight through life; it would be futile to place any blame on my birth.  Especially since I have inflicted my youngest similarly.  Thankfully all of my children are healthy weights – I’m smart enough to apply solidly proven healthy eating habits when it comes to my children. For myself I had a lifetime of bad choices and influences. My life continued with food being used for happy occasions and sad ones. I never felt rebuked and readily tried the newest food to appear on store shelves.  Now I know that food companies have been trying to make us eat more by formulating delectable combinations of salt, sugar and fat.  I was right there, literally eating it up.

I’m being kind with myself and slowly reforming. There’s a popular “fake it ‘til you make it” mantra that assists in life changes. I toyed with that mantra but I just couldn’t really own it. So instead I shout in my head: MAKE THE HEALTHY CHOICE! So far, it’s working.  I’m not always perfect but I’m pretty proud of myself for choosing Raisin Bran with milk and banana slices when I visited the hot breakfast buffet at Hampton Inn on Tuesday. Our ride home from Vermont included a stop at Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Factory – my loudspeaker in my head malfunctioned.  But, that’s OK!  I had the ice cream, a very light dinner and have moved forward to the next day. 

Statistics: I’ve been staying the same weight this month. I still have lots to lose but I’m OK with a couple weeks of plateau living and refuse to feel negative when I know I’m making healthy choices and am definitely in this for life!

How My Passion Planner Keeps me on Track

I love finding tools that help me on my journey.  Back in the olden days, you know, the 1990s? I used a Day-Timer Date book that worked well for my personal life and my job (I travelled A LOT.) But as  a technology geek I was an early adopter to digital planners.  It started with a Palm Pilot and progressed until today's Cozi, which is a website/app that I access on my laptop, Ipad, and Samsung phone. I used to keep the family calendar on the refrigerator which was virtually ignored by everyone except me anyways.  For several years now I’ve printed out the weekly schedule from Cozi for the refrigerator and it has worked pretty well.  However, when recording an appointment on my phone I would get a lingering thought: what if my account was deleted? I’d have NO IDEA when my appointments were.

This year I decided to go back to the good old days and find an actual planner.  Ideally I would want to carry it with me.  In my research I found the Passion Planner had the highest reviews.  My teenage son had been given one by his coach too so I was familiar with it.  I ordered one for myself and printed out some PDF files they provide to get started while I waited for delivery.  Finding your passion is the goal. They use terms like “Game Changer,” “Passion Road Map,” and “Prioritizing.”  I went through this exercise and found that Writing is my passion!  My jobs as Norwex Consultant and Subsitute teacher scored pretty low overall. We don’t depend on my money earning jobs to pay the grocery bill, so I realize I have a little more flexibility than many.  But the point is, if something isn’t your passion (even if you still have to do that to pay the bills) then at least begin taking small steps toward making your passion that thing that takes up most of your time (and can pay the bills possibly too.)

When I started using the Passion Planner I ambitiously joined a FB chat forum of aficionados.  Wow, these people use their planners as a creative outlet that rivals some of my best scrapbooks (Oh yeah, I was big time into scrapbooking for several years – hope to at least finish the kids’ books at some point).  I wanted to use the Passion Planner as a datebook planner but I guess I need a creative outlet too!  Now I own colored highlighters, colored Sharpie pens, a small assortment of stickers and a an entire box of Washi tape. No, I never heard of washi tape either before I ventured into this new arena.

Interacting with others in the #PashFam I’ve been encouraged to explore different methods and processes in my planner.  In the beginning I planned lots of tasks but didn’t actually do them!  Now I’ve fine tuned the layout to where it really focuses me and helps me accomplish some tasks I’ve been putting off.

My Method:

1. Prior to the week:

•          frame the days with washi tape and decorate the edges, I want to look at something pretty!
•          write in appointments as they are scheduled (I’ve started keeping these above the 12:00 line no matter the time)

2. Sat/Sun before the week:

•          add in new appointments, meetings, scheduled events
•          Use the “space of infinite possibility” for a FOCUS reminder: always health related
•          Customize the “to do” section for the week with tasks that will accomplish a weekly or monthly goal.  Currently I use this for decluttering and other household projects that need to be finished.
•          Analyze my days and add specific tasks to specific days (above the 12:00 line)
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I blurred some personal items: it doesn't really look this messy!

3. During the week:

•          Journal things I do below the 12:00 line.  Some days I need a record that even though nothing big was accomplished, I was productive so I sometimes I record: laundry, cleaned litter box, vacuumed, etc.
•          Add impromptu meetings or fun things that happen in the day section below 12:00
•          Add quotes or inspiration that I hear anywhere on the page.
•          Check off completed items – such satisfaction from marking that check!
•          I use the “Today’s Focus” section to record my walks in miles
•          The “Good Things That Happened” box gets filled in as good things happen or as a reflection at the end of the week. 

This year I’ve made more progress in decluttering than ever before.  I’ve sold books on Amazon and sold some items on Ebay . I’ve taken boxes and bags to a donation facility.  I have everything ready for my tax return (before April, yay!) and am sewing some bathroom curtains today.  I’ve learned that focusing on my planned “to do” list accomplishes more because the general housework will get done eventually.  As a homemaker it is very easy to fall into the spiral of food prep, laundry, housework, shopping, repeat.  Those things expand and fill your time if you let them.  The Passion Planner focuses me on what I want to accomplish which allows the time spent on the humdrum housekeeping chores to diminish.