As a product of post-feminist America, I’ve enjoyed a life
of limited sexism. After working over a decade, I chose to stay home with my
kids and unfortunately felt more reverse sexism for that choice from females
than I had ever experienced blatantly from men in the workforce. My children
now range in age from 12-21 and during their upbringing I’ve been acutely attuned
to how they will perceive sexism and their place in the world as women and
men. At home my husband and I decided
and agreed on many traditional roles: he fixes the cars, I do the laundry, he
takes the garbage down to the curb, I prepare the dinners. My children know that this is a lifestyle their
parents discussed and agreed upon prior to marriage. Over the years I’ve taken part time jobs and
even went back to school to become a teacher.
My husband thoroughly supported me and has said many times (in front of
the children) that he will support whatever choice I make: back to work
full-time or home pursuing volunteer activities and my writing. I’ve chosen the
latter as full-time work was fun and fulfilling, but definitely impacted a
sense of peace in my home that I cherish.
Our Girls Are
Being Raised to Dream Big: Let’s Not Insult them with Trite Slogans
On weekends I meet up with a couple of other families at a
ski resort where our children ski and snowboard. Prior to a “Girls Rock the
Park” event which coincided with “International Woman’s Day” the women’s
bathroom shelf was supplied with stacks of post-in notes and pens. The mirror became covered with positive slogans
to encourage girls. “#Girls Rock,” “Be
your best you!,” “Be Brave!,” Clearly anyone could add a note. It was fun to
read but I couldn’t think of anything new to add. I walked out wondering what
it would look like if the men’s room had the post-it notes for
self-encouragement. Obviously, they don’t need that type of superficial
encouragement. If boys are being raised with confidence, then why do girls need
these reminders? Fortunately, the girls
(ages 11-14) in our group supplied my answer. When I asked if they saw “what
was in the bathroom,” they abandoned their hot cocoas and scurried to see. Upon
their return they were somewhat deflated and obviously not enthused or
encouraged by the signage. They added to the remarks but the oldest pointed out
that some of the notes were backhanded insults to boys and it’s wrong to put
others down to make yourself feel better. This group of girls clearly doesn’t
need little notes of encouragement to try their best and achieve their goals.
And it just seems important to me that the girl who eloquently found that
putting down boys should not be accepted is being raised by two moms. (so toss
out some stereotypes, please)
Plenty of Adult
Men are Slayers of Sexism Too!
Today I had my own tiny sexist experience. But the response from
several men is what really blew me away. I belong to a FB group for a certain
type of electric car. I’m a bit of a gearhead myself with an interest in cars
and worked for many years installing computer systems and training others how
to use them which at the time was a field with more males than females. I’ve
maintained my technical expertise to a degree. Here’s the post which I couldn’t
resist responding to:
I’m the only one from the US, the others are from Europe,
Canada, Asia, and Australia so I literally had men around the world standing up
for me to that one ignoramus. I accept that ignoramuses like Hal exist for
every social, political and cultural idea and belief. As long as they are the
minority and not hurting anyone they can stay in their holes and coexist with
others. I realize I’m not going to change Hal’s belief system but hopefully he
realizes that in a public forum his view will not be accepted. (the next morning even more men & women responded with their dislike of Hal's comment - he has since been removed from the group.)
My Daughter Can Disarm
a Sexist
Last summer my college student daughter found herself hired as
a kitchen worker in a large touristy restaurant by a female manager. When the
male owner met her, he clearly looked her up and down and told his manager that
they’d have to see if they could find a job for her “out front” (as a waitress
or hostess). Insulted but undeterred my daughter showed up for work and in her
usual style fulfilled and exceeded all expectations of the job! She later learned from the other staff that
she was the first female to last more than a couple of days in the
kitchen. So she has her own story of
handling sexism and she didn’t shrink, she didn’t leave, she didn’t report the
jerk, she SHOWED him what she was made of and just maybe he will view his next
female employee with a little more respect.
What does this all say about American today? It says we need
to be grateful for where we are as women. We need to use these types of stories
to demonstrate the positive examples that can be emulated. Rather than covering
our news feeds with every bad sexist comment anyone ever said, let’s show our sons
and daughters examples of how to identify and overcome sexism.
